Small Group Ministry

Where I've Been

My husband I have been rather fortunate over the years to have had mentors in the area of community life and small groups.  This has been my life, as I mentioned when I began this blog.  I grew up in community.  I have a large family.  My husband had a very close family in the earlier years of his life as well.  He also grew up in the Catholic church, which has always embraced the idea of family and community.  Most of the churches I have been a part of have been small, which lends itself to close-knit community.  Keith and I had the opportunity to live with a large family for 18 months and live community life with them.  We were always intrigued by the way people were always in and out of their house.  They lived in the country so they kept a door unlocked permanently.   

We spent about 2 years in a house church ministry called Imago Dei, under the direction of Samuel Wilson, Christopher Woodland, and Pierre Scott.  These are some amazing men.  Their mission was to disciple us to walk deeper in the Spirit.  We then ended up at Grace Community Church for over 5 years and became small group leaders in our last year there.  We were under the direction of Pastor Greg Gill, who met with us over several months and spent time mentoring us individually as leaders.  Though we are not at any of those places now, through God’s calling, we are now at Captivate Church, where I truly believe all of that mentoring will not go to waste.  Samuel Wilson even published a book offering discipleship training to small group leaders.  

What I Learned

So you ask, what have I learned in all of those years?  I laugh.  My husband and I talk about community and small group life almost daily.  WE ARE PASSIONATE!!!!  Well, we’ve learned through MANY mistakes and through the discipling and mistakes of our mentors.  Keith and I have also had the privilege of being a part of my dad’s group at Captivate, which has only added to all that we’ve learned thus far.  So, are you ready???  If I could boil it down to one word, here’s what it would be.  INVESTMENT!!!!!!!!!  The heart of small group ministry is investing in people’s lives.  It’s that simple.  HOWEVER, this can’t be done in your own strength.  If you try to do this alone, it WILL fail eventually.  Jesus has to be at the core.  Otherwise, you will burn out quickly.

Basic Model

Because I have a gift in administration, I’ve formed a very basic model.  I know, I hate models too because I believe in the freedom of the Holy Spirit, but our God is a God of order.  So, it’s very, very basic.  If I had it to do all over and I ever had the opportunity to help other leaders, this would be how I would do it.  If you ever have the privilege of becoming a champion of small group ministry, which is what I so desire, pray about this.  

Get to know your small group leaders, or establish leadership.  This is very important!!!  Invest in their lives too!  Don’t leave your leaders to float on their own.  When I say invest, invite them over for dinner.  Spend time with them.  Learn what’s important to them.  Take the time to learn about their relationship with God.  Ask them about what their passions are.  Through many mistakes, I am learning to do more listening than talking.  We can talk after we’ve listened and understood.

Next, take the time to visit groups every so often.  Learn the dynamics of each group and how they interact.  See if true discipleship is taking place.  Now when I say that, it isn’t just the leaders discipling the group.  The leaders are just the model.  We can all disciple each other.  Again, if too much is placed on the leaders, it will lead to burn out. 

Also, get to know some of the people in the church.  Ask questions from different people.  What are they looking for in small group ministry?  Is it a priority for them and why?  Find out what other people are seeking.  Talk to different people, people from different cultures, singles, married, families, and elderly.  Try to discover what people are looking for.  See if there is a common theme.

The more you invest in people’s lives, the better you can serve.  This applies to just about any aspect of life, as well as to small group ministry.  But what has to be at the heart of small group ministry?  Christ does.  He HAS to be your driving force for why you do what you do.  He HAS to be at the forefront of your passion.  What is it you are doing for the people in your group?  You’re discipling them.  You are teaching them the same thing.  To walk deeper in the Spirit.  “Walk by the Spirit, and you won’t gratify the desires of the flesh.”  Our job as leaders is to encourage others to keep looking up, to give a model as to what that looks like.  Pray together in your groups.  Be silent together in your groups and LISTEN for the Holy Spirit.  He WILL show up!!!!!  If you want some good reading material, read Forgotten God by Francis Chan.  He also has a video that shares his idea of community life within his family, titled "The Chans."  This can extend to your small groups.  He is an excellent resource.

BE WILLING TO BE FLEXIBLE.  This is probably the hardest!!!!  Keith and I struggled because we had such high expectations.  It only caused us more unnecessary heartache.  When we have our own expectations about what it should be, we take Christ out of the driver’s seat.  All it creates is stress.  Take those burdens to God and ask Him to help you let go of unnecessary burdens.  We are all called to be confident, yet show grace.  As a small group leader, walk humbly.  ALWAYS err on the side of love.  “Love covers a multitude of sins.”  I’m preaching to myself here.  If God is in the driver’s seat, you can’t go wrong. 

Be accepting of everyone.  Notice I didn’t say be accepting of everything.  You have to have order in your groups.  If you have children, whoever is hosting is going to have rules.  As a group, you have to agree to these rules.  Parents are responsible for their children and they should be.  There should always be ground rules, but remember grace as well.  As leaders, whether your children or not, you are responsible for the family unit.  You want to help disciple those children well too.  When they misbehave, correct them lovingly as a way to teach them and point them to Christ, if the parents aren’t around to do so.  We had a large family group when we left Grace Community and learned a lot. 

Let God be your source!!!!!   

Diversity

Status

It is evident in our world today, based on how we see creation, that we serve a God of diversity.  Now, what do I mean by diversity?  First, let’s look at the dictionary definition.  The definition of diverse is showing a great deal of variety; very different.  Let me just preface this to say, what I am writing is in no way political.  I’m not talking about gay versus straight, etc.  The purpose of this article is to see diversity from a Scriptural perspective and the use of the diversity of gifts as it applies to the church. 

I don’t think it’s necessary to break down all of the different cultural differences as it doesn’t matter to my purpose in writing.  However, in the United States, we have people living here from all different countries.  My goal in this article is to discuss diversity in relation to status: single, married, married with kids, married with kids grown, grandparents, and divorced.  This is a general breakdown.  Due to our different positions in life and our experiences, this means we have different gifts we can offer the church.  God has positioned us in different stages in life so that we all have something to offer to the bigger picture.  Marriage is an example of Christ and the church.  A single person can best show us how to relate to God because He is their sole source, while not having a spouse to answer to. 

God has also given us different gifts within the church. 

 “Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.  Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.  Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles?  Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.”  1 Corinthians 12: 12-27. 

Diversity in Small Group

We are doing a disservice to our small groups if we are constantly separating the gifts out.  For example, when community groups are just a singles group or just a married with children group, etc.  What purpose does this serve when we only communicate, minister to, and pray for people that are just like us?  We then put a limit on what the Spirit has to offer us. 

It is NOT up to the small group leader to be the jack of all trades.  This is worth repeating.  It is NOT up to the small group leader to be the jack of all trades.  When we meet together in small group it isn’t the leader’s responsibility to have all the answers.  We are all supposed to be leading each other and contributing each of our gifts to the group. Otherwise you set yourselves up for leader burn out.  Trust me, my husband and I have been there.  So what is the function of the small group leader?  The small group leader needs to remain flexible based on the dynamic of the group.  The leader’s job (now I’m not talking about pastor as that is totally different) is to facilitate discussion and an ushering in of the gifts, so that the Spirit can perform through each person individually.  The leader encourages the diversity of gifts and allows them to flourish within the group.  It is important that leaders remain open to who is in the group and what they have to offer.  And it’s the leader’s job to make sure everything remains in balance with the Scripture and that order is established.  Leader, if you are not gifted in raising kids, it’s okay.  Maybe someone else in your group is.  And even if they aren’t, you can still be an encouragement to that family to remain united and teach them how to walk deeply in the Spirit.  Leader, that is for you.  Show us all how to walk deeper in Christ. 

There are times I've almost felt second class, that my children are an annoyance rather than a blessing from God.  My husband and I have worked really hard to raise our children to be disciplined and to behave well and show respect.  By all means they are not perfect.  People have made us feel like we can’t be part of the “club” because we have children.  If only you knew how much that hurts in the church.  I am positive God did not intend that.  I look at a child and I am reminded about the innocence of their faith and how innocent our faith in Christ can be.  These children are the future church.  They need discipleship too!  Singles, I need to be around you so I can be reminded who my First Love is.  Parents with kids grown, I need to be around you so I can learn from your experiences as a parent.  Singles, you need to be around me, so that I can be a witness as to what to expect out of marriage and parenthood.  


God gave us a beautiful gift!  He gave us the church!  He gave us diversity in the church, so that we can see different aspects of who He is.  When we are about what Jesus is about, we can function as community, with Christ at the center.  We can miss it if we isolate ourselves to only those like us.  I don’t want to miss it!  Do you?   

The Holy Spirit in You

Vision Gone Astray

Today is a fresh new day, beginning a brand new year, 2016.  We are beginning life at a new church with different people and fresh experiences.  My husband and I have been reflecting on the past year, actually past several years.  We believe God called us to something, community and small family fellowship.  In no way do we feel that vision has changed, but perhaps the approach has.  I’ve shared on this blog my experiences with community and life within the church.  It is clear that our goal is to keep families together, not keep distancing them and pushing them apart.  However, we’ve gotten so lost in the concept, that we missed the very One that brought us to that conclusion to begin with.

Our first year in leadership within small group ministry was wonderful, yet we leave it with many lessons learned.  We wanted to recreate what we had years ago with Imago Dei, our old house church.  We saw the value in small family fellowship and they way it brought us, as a community together.  God has been building a passion within me for years for community.  Our community group year began strong.  God was building the same passion within other members of the group.  God was doing something extraordinary.  During the summer months, some of us members in the group began praying and fasting together.  We were so excited for what God was going to do.  Then September hit.  Yes, it’s a busy month, however the beginning of the next community group season was exciting.  It was only a few weeks in to the month and desire began to tank. 

We’ve been asking ourselves why.  Some things were out of our control.  Individual priorities got in the way.  Life circumstances changed.  There was a desire for community and everything it was about, but no passion to keep the fire burning.  For months we’ve been evaluating and asking why.  Well, there’s probably several reasons, but I can think of a pretty large one.  The praying stopped.  It became task oriented.  It was about making sure we met and the tasks were being performed.  We began to rely on our own strength to keep the momentum going.  All of us selfishly had our own desires in life that took precedence.  How many times did Israel take matters into their own hands?  God would still come through, show a part of Himself, then the people ended up back where they started.

God at the Center

John Eldredge has a fantastic audio called Spirit of theAge.  The enemy uses busyness to distance us from God.  How true it is.  I’ve seen it ruin lives, ruin families, and ruin marriages.  It’s when everything else is more important and God just becomes an afterthought.  So often we keep going on our momentum, in our own strength, and we find ourselves operating as streams, coming to God just enough to fill us, but it’s not enough because we are pouring out more than we are taking in.  In the process we become weak and vulnerable.  Then it becomes easy for us to give in to the temptations of the enemy.  We try to live life on our own, and often forget our utter dependence on God.  One of the enemy’s greatest lies is that we are independent beings.  This is something I’ve learned recently.  Our natural gravitation is it be independent (in the flesh), but in reality God is sovereign.  He allows us to make choices, however the Holy Spirit would remind us who is really King in our lives. 

So, as important as community and family is, when it becomes more about that then the One who created that, it’s eventually bound to fail.  It can lead to high expectations of others, frustrations, and maybe even eventually burnout. 

What is my point?  In our culture, there are so many distractions and demands in life.  Some can be avoided, some cannot.  We cannot effectively disciple if we are running on our own steam.  We often forget we have a living Holy Spirit inside of us.  Jesus left us His Spirit so we don’t have to be in the driver’s seat.  He’s driving the car, we just need to get in the passenger seat and let Him drive. 

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”  John 15:4,5

The last part of this verse has been working on me for a few weeks now.  “Apart from Me you can do nothing.”  God is the source of our ministry.  He is the head of our ministry.  He is in charge.  He knows everyone involved in the circle of people we minister to.  He knows each and every detail of every person’s life backward and forward.  He knows the past and has the ability to see the future.  He is perfect, holy, and just.  Wouldn’t it make sense that He should lead us in ministry and not the other way around?  Often times we tend to just find a way to fit God into the things we do.  It should never be!  God should be the center of all we do.  Everything we do should flow from what is already inside of us, the Holy Spirit. 

God is the perfect example of love.  Our ministry might mean crossing paths with other races, large families, small families, singles, married, the hurting, and the broken. God knows how to love everyone with a perfect love and can do so through us in our ministries.  We have a responsibility to lean on God and to include all He has placed in our path, even if it seems difficult. 

“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.,”  Mark 10:27

For us to disciple effectively, to be an effective leader, our minds and hearts must remain open to what God wants to accomplish through us.  When it comes to families, the children are part of that package, in fact, the whole family unit is a part of that package.  I encourage you along with me to pray and ask God, how do you want to use me?  What did He say?  Write it down, journal, and participate in the amazing things God wants to do through you!

Awakening

Counseling

At some point on this blog, I will share my story, but for now, I would like to pick up in the present.  The last few years of my life have been riddled with anxiety.  In fact, it’s been the story of most of my life.  Several months ago, I decided it was time to seek counseling.  It took me a few months to choose where I wanted to go.  The church I attended at the time, had pastors available, however I was looking for something specific.  My father had introduced a few books to me years ago titled, Lifetime Guarantee by Bill Gillham and Handbook to Happiness by Dr. Charles Solomon.  My desire was to find a counselor, much like the authors in these books using a particular counseling method.  So, my first step was to call Dr. Solomon’sministry myself.  He actually got on the phone with me.  We couldn’t continue counseling because of distance, but we had a great conversation.  I told him I was on the edge of a cliff.  All I had to do was jump and let the net catch me.  After reading the book, I knew God was taking me somewhere, but I hadn’t quite made it to my next destination yet.  He said to me, “it sounds like you are onto something good.  You’re almost there.  You can almost see it.  Call me when you get it.”  So, I moved on to find another counselor.  I discovered  Don Burzynski at Cross Life Ministries in Vero Beach, Florida.  He was willing to counsel via Skype.  It has been absolutely amazing!!!!!  Here I thought he was just going to fix my anxiety.  Nope.  God was looking to dig deeper than that.  He had another agenda. 

A-ha Moment

I’ve been a Christian for many years.  I was probably your average Christian just treading along, trying to live the “right life,” hoping that God would just insert himself every so often to show me that He’s still with me.  Notice I said I was trying (in my own effort) to live the right life.  If I just followed the rules, stayed on the straight and narrow, I was okay.  That’s Pharisaical thinking and dangerous enough.  But here was an even bigger problem.  When I mess up, God was going to be pretty angry with me.  Sometimes I questioned my own salvation every time I screwed up.  No wonder I’ve lived in anxiety for so long.  Somewhere along the way, I’ve lived in this mentality that I need to perform to be accepted.  This thread goes back many years in my life which I will save for another time.  I was completely missing the eternal joy and peace God had for me.  In the early days of counseling, Don had to show me that we were never meant to be independent beings.  It was an outright lie the enemy has been trying to feed me for so long.  I bought it, just like Eve did in the garden.  Satan told her she could be just like God if she ate.  She was tempted by the idea of being her own independent being.  I learned that we are all guided by some voice, that we aren’t ever TRULY independent.  We can either listen to the voice of God, the voice of the enemy, or the voice of the world (which could also be the voice of the enemy).  I’m not looking to get into a theological debate over free will, however somewhere in the midst of all of that, God is still sovereign over everything.  Prior to becoming a Christian, I was enslaved to my flesh (the part of me that listens to the world or the enemy).  But after becoming a believer, I physically received the Holy Spirit, which is my guide.  It’s actually better than that.  The Holy Spirit is in me, living through me.  It’s not about how I perform or what I can do.  As far as performance based acceptance goes, I’m already accepted.  And I didn’t have to perform to be accepted because I couldn’t life up to God’s holy standard.  The blood of Jesus had to take care of that.  Also, I no longer have to live a life enslaved to the flesh anymore, but I can now live in the freedom of Christ, knowing that I don’t have to do this alone.  In fact, it isn’t really me doing anything, except participating in what the Holy Spirit is doing in me.  

“Our function is to be in union with the Greater and let Him express Himself through the lesser.  We are vessels – containers of the life of God.  Be we are not the contents of the vessel.  God is.  We cannot produce His life.  We can only express it.”  (Dan Stone, David Gregory – The Rest of the Gospel)  

Even Paul has much to say about it in 2 Corinthians.  He is constantly boasting in what God is doing in him, giving all credit to God, and not to himself.  

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:18).  

Once these realities hit, we can really begin to live with Christ expressing himself through us.  I’ve been truly humbled, in that I need to get myself out of the way.  We can really begin to live when we get ourselves out of the way and let God do what He does.  I wept as I repented of that in prayer.  I’m sure I will continually do it again, but praise God I’ve been washed by the blood of Jesus and He patiently keeps trying usher me back in.    

The Hope

There is hope for the next generation of Christian leaders.  Until we begin to realize the work Christ is doing for us, it will be hard for us to be an encouragement to others.  My desire is that for those of you reading this blog, that are in a place where I’ve been for many years, will begin to see that God is so much more.  We need to make more of Him and less of us.  We can begin putting our own desires aside and begin to live the life God always intended for us.  Some battles will go with us to the grave as we will not be perfected until the next life.  However, God is sanctifying us every day, but first we need to recognize our worth in God’s eyes.  When God looks at the believer, He sees Christ, and He is pleased!  As a believer we are no longer sinners, we are saints!!!!  

Community Life

What is Community?

The idea of community seems to be foreign to western culture today.  We see pockets of community in the secular and Christian circles, but in western culture, it’s more rare than not.  I am fortunate enough to live in a court where community life exists.  It’s almost hard not to when you live in a townhome in such close proximity to your neighbors, however we’ve had to work for it.  What is the definition of community?  The Webster’s definition of community is this: “a unified body of individuals.”  In fact there are several definitions of community according to Webster.  However, this blog is not going to be just about community, but community life and discipleship and how it applies within the church.  How does the Bible define community?  This is probably one of the most famous pieces of Scripture taught in the church today, yet I’m not sure in our culture we know how to live it out.  This is taken from Acts 2:42-47, 

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.  Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles.  All the believers were together and had everything in common.  They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.  Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”   

Have you really taken the time to sit down and focus on what this is saying?  Take some time and ask God now what this is saying to you.  Here’s another question.  Do you think children were just as much a part of that church culture?  Do you think adults were constantly separating themselves from the children?  Was it just the adults breaking bread together?  Or was it a family unit breaking bread together with other families, singles, just married, etc?  I know what I think.  I will discuss this later in future posts.  What I wish to do for now is give you a brief summary on my experiences with community.

Community for Me 

I was born into a close-knit large family.  Community for me began at birth.  My family has always been close.  I was the only grandchild for the first eight years and was likely spoiled rotten.  Through most of my childhood, we had Sunday dinners, my aunts were more like sisters to me, we had big family Christmas celebrations, and basically spent time together.  Even as a child, I was included in many family activities.  My childhood years were spent in small churches.  I attended a large church as a teenager, but even then, my youth group was still small and quaint.  I spent my first year in college at a tiny university in North Carolina.  When I returned home to finish college, my days were spent partying with my close group of friends almost every night.  But then I came back into the church, probably 50-70 people in size, community life within the church resumed again.  My husband and I got married and helped usher in small groups within the Catholic Church we attended, which is still going strong today.  Money got tight, and we spent 18 months living with another family that had 5 kids and a close, large extended family themselves.  As rough as those months were, once removed, we learned through many mistakes, what living life together really looks like.  It’s messy as anything, but God doesn’t always want us to run away from our challenges.  At the time we left this family, we were involved in a house church.  I would say that was a season of growing for us in community as well.  Imago Dei will always be a part of who I am.  For a while there, that was Acts 2:42-47 being lived out regularly.  And we weren’t just families with kids.  We had singles, married with no kids, and those who already raised kids.  The church lasted 18 months until the leaders were called elsewhere. 
My family ended up back in a larger church, which for the most part, lived out community life well for a large church.  A smaller group ministry already existed within the larger church.  We committed to those groups for five years and spent our last year there leading a community group.  Our community group was different from most, in that children were a large part of it.  Adults had their time to just be adults, but then we spent time together as family units.  We did not look like the rest.  We were the exception.

I find that my thinking is the exception everywhere I go, yet as I read Scripture and the idea of raising up children and embracing diversity and living as a community, what I see now doesn’t agree with what I read.  What has gone wrong?  We’ve lost the art of mentoring.  Take a look at Titus 2:1-6.   

“You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.  Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.  Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”

Burdened

Our culture spends a great deal of time breaking up the family of many whom are already broken up.  I’m not sure kids have much of a place anymore, except in another room while adults tend to their own concerns, which there is a place for, sometimes.  They are looked at as nothing more than an inconvenience most times.  This burdens me greatly.  The church is losing its next generation.  Our children are left figuring the world out for themselves, and that’s scary.    Maybe that’s why so many teens have become so angry and have resorted to killing, doing drugs, drinking, and suicide.  Where else can they go?  That’s why I have started this blog today.  It’s time we lay our selfishness aside (I include myself) and begin living our lives with Christ at the center, and allow Him to transform lives through our human bodies.  We are just vessels that contain the living power of Jesus Christ.  Let’s be that vessel and begin preparing our next generation.  We can’t accomplish Titus 2 on our own, but Jesus can once we are willing to participate in what the Holy Spirit is doing in us.  That’s what this blog is about!