Awakening

Counseling

At some point on this blog, I will share my story, but for now, I would like to pick up in the present.  The last few years of my life have been riddled with anxiety.  In fact, it’s been the story of most of my life.  Several months ago, I decided it was time to seek counseling.  It took me a few months to choose where I wanted to go.  The church I attended at the time, had pastors available, however I was looking for something specific.  My father had introduced a few books to me years ago titled, Lifetime Guarantee by Bill Gillham and Handbook to Happiness by Dr. Charles Solomon.  My desire was to find a counselor, much like the authors in these books using a particular counseling method.  So, my first step was to call Dr. Solomon’sministry myself.  He actually got on the phone with me.  We couldn’t continue counseling because of distance, but we had a great conversation.  I told him I was on the edge of a cliff.  All I had to do was jump and let the net catch me.  After reading the book, I knew God was taking me somewhere, but I hadn’t quite made it to my next destination yet.  He said to me, “it sounds like you are onto something good.  You’re almost there.  You can almost see it.  Call me when you get it.”  So, I moved on to find another counselor.  I discovered  Don Burzynski at Cross Life Ministries in Vero Beach, Florida.  He was willing to counsel via Skype.  It has been absolutely amazing!!!!!  Here I thought he was just going to fix my anxiety.  Nope.  God was looking to dig deeper than that.  He had another agenda. 

A-ha Moment

I’ve been a Christian for many years.  I was probably your average Christian just treading along, trying to live the “right life,” hoping that God would just insert himself every so often to show me that He’s still with me.  Notice I said I was trying (in my own effort) to live the right life.  If I just followed the rules, stayed on the straight and narrow, I was okay.  That’s Pharisaical thinking and dangerous enough.  But here was an even bigger problem.  When I mess up, God was going to be pretty angry with me.  Sometimes I questioned my own salvation every time I screwed up.  No wonder I’ve lived in anxiety for so long.  Somewhere along the way, I’ve lived in this mentality that I need to perform to be accepted.  This thread goes back many years in my life which I will save for another time.  I was completely missing the eternal joy and peace God had for me.  In the early days of counseling, Don had to show me that we were never meant to be independent beings.  It was an outright lie the enemy has been trying to feed me for so long.  I bought it, just like Eve did in the garden.  Satan told her she could be just like God if she ate.  She was tempted by the idea of being her own independent being.  I learned that we are all guided by some voice, that we aren’t ever TRULY independent.  We can either listen to the voice of God, the voice of the enemy, or the voice of the world (which could also be the voice of the enemy).  I’m not looking to get into a theological debate over free will, however somewhere in the midst of all of that, God is still sovereign over everything.  Prior to becoming a Christian, I was enslaved to my flesh (the part of me that listens to the world or the enemy).  But after becoming a believer, I physically received the Holy Spirit, which is my guide.  It’s actually better than that.  The Holy Spirit is in me, living through me.  It’s not about how I perform or what I can do.  As far as performance based acceptance goes, I’m already accepted.  And I didn’t have to perform to be accepted because I couldn’t life up to God’s holy standard.  The blood of Jesus had to take care of that.  Also, I no longer have to live a life enslaved to the flesh anymore, but I can now live in the freedom of Christ, knowing that I don’t have to do this alone.  In fact, it isn’t really me doing anything, except participating in what the Holy Spirit is doing in me.  

“Our function is to be in union with the Greater and let Him express Himself through the lesser.  We are vessels – containers of the life of God.  Be we are not the contents of the vessel.  God is.  We cannot produce His life.  We can only express it.”  (Dan Stone, David Gregory – The Rest of the Gospel)  

Even Paul has much to say about it in 2 Corinthians.  He is constantly boasting in what God is doing in him, giving all credit to God, and not to himself.  

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:18).  

Once these realities hit, we can really begin to live with Christ expressing himself through us.  I’ve been truly humbled, in that I need to get myself out of the way.  We can really begin to live when we get ourselves out of the way and let God do what He does.  I wept as I repented of that in prayer.  I’m sure I will continually do it again, but praise God I’ve been washed by the blood of Jesus and He patiently keeps trying usher me back in.    

The Hope

There is hope for the next generation of Christian leaders.  Until we begin to realize the work Christ is doing for us, it will be hard for us to be an encouragement to others.  My desire is that for those of you reading this blog, that are in a place where I’ve been for many years, will begin to see that God is so much more.  We need to make more of Him and less of us.  We can begin putting our own desires aside and begin to live the life God always intended for us.  Some battles will go with us to the grave as we will not be perfected until the next life.  However, God is sanctifying us every day, but first we need to recognize our worth in God’s eyes.  When God looks at the believer, He sees Christ, and He is pleased!  As a believer we are no longer sinners, we are saints!!!!