Small Group Ministry

Where I've Been

My husband I have been rather fortunate over the years to have had mentors in the area of community life and small groups.  This has been my life, as I mentioned when I began this blog.  I grew up in community.  I have a large family.  My husband had a very close family in the earlier years of his life as well.  He also grew up in the Catholic church, which has always embraced the idea of family and community.  Most of the churches I have been a part of have been small, which lends itself to close-knit community.  Keith and I had the opportunity to live with a large family for 18 months and live community life with them.  We were always intrigued by the way people were always in and out of their house.  They lived in the country so they kept a door unlocked permanently.   

We spent about 2 years in a house church ministry called Imago Dei, under the direction of Samuel Wilson, Christopher Woodland, and Pierre Scott.  These are some amazing men.  Their mission was to disciple us to walk deeper in the Spirit.  We then ended up at Grace Community Church for over 5 years and became small group leaders in our last year there.  We were under the direction of Pastor Greg Gill, who met with us over several months and spent time mentoring us individually as leaders.  Though we are not at any of those places now, through God’s calling, we are now at Captivate Church, where I truly believe all of that mentoring will not go to waste.  Samuel Wilson even published a book offering discipleship training to small group leaders.  

What I Learned

So you ask, what have I learned in all of those years?  I laugh.  My husband and I talk about community and small group life almost daily.  WE ARE PASSIONATE!!!!  Well, we’ve learned through MANY mistakes and through the discipling and mistakes of our mentors.  Keith and I have also had the privilege of being a part of my dad’s group at Captivate, which has only added to all that we’ve learned thus far.  So, are you ready???  If I could boil it down to one word, here’s what it would be.  INVESTMENT!!!!!!!!!  The heart of small group ministry is investing in people’s lives.  It’s that simple.  HOWEVER, this can’t be done in your own strength.  If you try to do this alone, it WILL fail eventually.  Jesus has to be at the core.  Otherwise, you will burn out quickly.

Basic Model

Because I have a gift in administration, I’ve formed a very basic model.  I know, I hate models too because I believe in the freedom of the Holy Spirit, but our God is a God of order.  So, it’s very, very basic.  If I had it to do all over and I ever had the opportunity to help other leaders, this would be how I would do it.  If you ever have the privilege of becoming a champion of small group ministry, which is what I so desire, pray about this.  

Get to know your small group leaders, or establish leadership.  This is very important!!!  Invest in their lives too!  Don’t leave your leaders to float on their own.  When I say invest, invite them over for dinner.  Spend time with them.  Learn what’s important to them.  Take the time to learn about their relationship with God.  Ask them about what their passions are.  Through many mistakes, I am learning to do more listening than talking.  We can talk after we’ve listened and understood.

Next, take the time to visit groups every so often.  Learn the dynamics of each group and how they interact.  See if true discipleship is taking place.  Now when I say that, it isn’t just the leaders discipling the group.  The leaders are just the model.  We can all disciple each other.  Again, if too much is placed on the leaders, it will lead to burn out. 

Also, get to know some of the people in the church.  Ask questions from different people.  What are they looking for in small group ministry?  Is it a priority for them and why?  Find out what other people are seeking.  Talk to different people, people from different cultures, singles, married, families, and elderly.  Try to discover what people are looking for.  See if there is a common theme.

The more you invest in people’s lives, the better you can serve.  This applies to just about any aspect of life, as well as to small group ministry.  But what has to be at the heart of small group ministry?  Christ does.  He HAS to be your driving force for why you do what you do.  He HAS to be at the forefront of your passion.  What is it you are doing for the people in your group?  You’re discipling them.  You are teaching them the same thing.  To walk deeper in the Spirit.  “Walk by the Spirit, and you won’t gratify the desires of the flesh.”  Our job as leaders is to encourage others to keep looking up, to give a model as to what that looks like.  Pray together in your groups.  Be silent together in your groups and LISTEN for the Holy Spirit.  He WILL show up!!!!!  If you want some good reading material, read Forgotten God by Francis Chan.  He also has a video that shares his idea of community life within his family, titled "The Chans."  This can extend to your small groups.  He is an excellent resource.

BE WILLING TO BE FLEXIBLE.  This is probably the hardest!!!!  Keith and I struggled because we had such high expectations.  It only caused us more unnecessary heartache.  When we have our own expectations about what it should be, we take Christ out of the driver’s seat.  All it creates is stress.  Take those burdens to God and ask Him to help you let go of unnecessary burdens.  We are all called to be confident, yet show grace.  As a small group leader, walk humbly.  ALWAYS err on the side of love.  “Love covers a multitude of sins.”  I’m preaching to myself here.  If God is in the driver’s seat, you can’t go wrong. 

Be accepting of everyone.  Notice I didn’t say be accepting of everything.  You have to have order in your groups.  If you have children, whoever is hosting is going to have rules.  As a group, you have to agree to these rules.  Parents are responsible for their children and they should be.  There should always be ground rules, but remember grace as well.  As leaders, whether your children or not, you are responsible for the family unit.  You want to help disciple those children well too.  When they misbehave, correct them lovingly as a way to teach them and point them to Christ, if the parents aren’t around to do so.  We had a large family group when we left Grace Community and learned a lot. 

Let God be your source!!!!!   

Diversity

Status

It is evident in our world today, based on how we see creation, that we serve a God of diversity.  Now, what do I mean by diversity?  First, let’s look at the dictionary definition.  The definition of diverse is showing a great deal of variety; very different.  Let me just preface this to say, what I am writing is in no way political.  I’m not talking about gay versus straight, etc.  The purpose of this article is to see diversity from a Scriptural perspective and the use of the diversity of gifts as it applies to the church. 

I don’t think it’s necessary to break down all of the different cultural differences as it doesn’t matter to my purpose in writing.  However, in the United States, we have people living here from all different countries.  My goal in this article is to discuss diversity in relation to status: single, married, married with kids, married with kids grown, grandparents, and divorced.  This is a general breakdown.  Due to our different positions in life and our experiences, this means we have different gifts we can offer the church.  God has positioned us in different stages in life so that we all have something to offer to the bigger picture.  Marriage is an example of Christ and the church.  A single person can best show us how to relate to God because He is their sole source, while not having a spouse to answer to. 

God has also given us different gifts within the church. 

 “Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.  Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.  Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles?  Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.”  1 Corinthians 12: 12-27. 

Diversity in Small Group

We are doing a disservice to our small groups if we are constantly separating the gifts out.  For example, when community groups are just a singles group or just a married with children group, etc.  What purpose does this serve when we only communicate, minister to, and pray for people that are just like us?  We then put a limit on what the Spirit has to offer us. 

It is NOT up to the small group leader to be the jack of all trades.  This is worth repeating.  It is NOT up to the small group leader to be the jack of all trades.  When we meet together in small group it isn’t the leader’s responsibility to have all the answers.  We are all supposed to be leading each other and contributing each of our gifts to the group. Otherwise you set yourselves up for leader burn out.  Trust me, my husband and I have been there.  So what is the function of the small group leader?  The small group leader needs to remain flexible based on the dynamic of the group.  The leader’s job (now I’m not talking about pastor as that is totally different) is to facilitate discussion and an ushering in of the gifts, so that the Spirit can perform through each person individually.  The leader encourages the diversity of gifts and allows them to flourish within the group.  It is important that leaders remain open to who is in the group and what they have to offer.  And it’s the leader’s job to make sure everything remains in balance with the Scripture and that order is established.  Leader, if you are not gifted in raising kids, it’s okay.  Maybe someone else in your group is.  And even if they aren’t, you can still be an encouragement to that family to remain united and teach them how to walk deeply in the Spirit.  Leader, that is for you.  Show us all how to walk deeper in Christ. 

There are times I've almost felt second class, that my children are an annoyance rather than a blessing from God.  My husband and I have worked really hard to raise our children to be disciplined and to behave well and show respect.  By all means they are not perfect.  People have made us feel like we can’t be part of the “club” because we have children.  If only you knew how much that hurts in the church.  I am positive God did not intend that.  I look at a child and I am reminded about the innocence of their faith and how innocent our faith in Christ can be.  These children are the future church.  They need discipleship too!  Singles, I need to be around you so I can be reminded who my First Love is.  Parents with kids grown, I need to be around you so I can learn from your experiences as a parent.  Singles, you need to be around me, so that I can be a witness as to what to expect out of marriage and parenthood.  


God gave us a beautiful gift!  He gave us the church!  He gave us diversity in the church, so that we can see different aspects of who He is.  When we are about what Jesus is about, we can function as community, with Christ at the center.  We can miss it if we isolate ourselves to only those like us.  I don’t want to miss it!  Do you?   

The Holy Spirit in You

Vision Gone Astray

Today is a fresh new day, beginning a brand new year, 2016.  We are beginning life at a new church with different people and fresh experiences.  My husband and I have been reflecting on the past year, actually past several years.  We believe God called us to something, community and small family fellowship.  In no way do we feel that vision has changed, but perhaps the approach has.  I’ve shared on this blog my experiences with community and life within the church.  It is clear that our goal is to keep families together, not keep distancing them and pushing them apart.  However, we’ve gotten so lost in the concept, that we missed the very One that brought us to that conclusion to begin with.

Our first year in leadership within small group ministry was wonderful, yet we leave it with many lessons learned.  We wanted to recreate what we had years ago with Imago Dei, our old house church.  We saw the value in small family fellowship and they way it brought us, as a community together.  God has been building a passion within me for years for community.  Our community group year began strong.  God was building the same passion within other members of the group.  God was doing something extraordinary.  During the summer months, some of us members in the group began praying and fasting together.  We were so excited for what God was going to do.  Then September hit.  Yes, it’s a busy month, however the beginning of the next community group season was exciting.  It was only a few weeks in to the month and desire began to tank. 

We’ve been asking ourselves why.  Some things were out of our control.  Individual priorities got in the way.  Life circumstances changed.  There was a desire for community and everything it was about, but no passion to keep the fire burning.  For months we’ve been evaluating and asking why.  Well, there’s probably several reasons, but I can think of a pretty large one.  The praying stopped.  It became task oriented.  It was about making sure we met and the tasks were being performed.  We began to rely on our own strength to keep the momentum going.  All of us selfishly had our own desires in life that took precedence.  How many times did Israel take matters into their own hands?  God would still come through, show a part of Himself, then the people ended up back where they started.

God at the Center

John Eldredge has a fantastic audio called Spirit of theAge.  The enemy uses busyness to distance us from God.  How true it is.  I’ve seen it ruin lives, ruin families, and ruin marriages.  It’s when everything else is more important and God just becomes an afterthought.  So often we keep going on our momentum, in our own strength, and we find ourselves operating as streams, coming to God just enough to fill us, but it’s not enough because we are pouring out more than we are taking in.  In the process we become weak and vulnerable.  Then it becomes easy for us to give in to the temptations of the enemy.  We try to live life on our own, and often forget our utter dependence on God.  One of the enemy’s greatest lies is that we are independent beings.  This is something I’ve learned recently.  Our natural gravitation is it be independent (in the flesh), but in reality God is sovereign.  He allows us to make choices, however the Holy Spirit would remind us who is really King in our lives. 

So, as important as community and family is, when it becomes more about that then the One who created that, it’s eventually bound to fail.  It can lead to high expectations of others, frustrations, and maybe even eventually burnout. 

What is my point?  In our culture, there are so many distractions and demands in life.  Some can be avoided, some cannot.  We cannot effectively disciple if we are running on our own steam.  We often forget we have a living Holy Spirit inside of us.  Jesus left us His Spirit so we don’t have to be in the driver’s seat.  He’s driving the car, we just need to get in the passenger seat and let Him drive. 

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”  John 15:4,5

The last part of this verse has been working on me for a few weeks now.  “Apart from Me you can do nothing.”  God is the source of our ministry.  He is the head of our ministry.  He is in charge.  He knows everyone involved in the circle of people we minister to.  He knows each and every detail of every person’s life backward and forward.  He knows the past and has the ability to see the future.  He is perfect, holy, and just.  Wouldn’t it make sense that He should lead us in ministry and not the other way around?  Often times we tend to just find a way to fit God into the things we do.  It should never be!  God should be the center of all we do.  Everything we do should flow from what is already inside of us, the Holy Spirit. 

God is the perfect example of love.  Our ministry might mean crossing paths with other races, large families, small families, singles, married, the hurting, and the broken. God knows how to love everyone with a perfect love and can do so through us in our ministries.  We have a responsibility to lean on God and to include all He has placed in our path, even if it seems difficult. 

“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.,”  Mark 10:27

For us to disciple effectively, to be an effective leader, our minds and hearts must remain open to what God wants to accomplish through us.  When it comes to families, the children are part of that package, in fact, the whole family unit is a part of that package.  I encourage you along with me to pray and ask God, how do you want to use me?  What did He say?  Write it down, journal, and participate in the amazing things God wants to do through you!